I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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