i think i have two assholes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
