Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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