I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
