Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
