Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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