I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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