i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
