If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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