For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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