I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
