I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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