If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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