New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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