Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize