I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
