the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
