Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
