I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
