So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
