no, he came in my armpit
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
