It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
