What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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