is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
