it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
