Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
