I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
