my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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