the condom got lost in my hair
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god it's open bar.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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