I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
