that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I want a musical about memes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
