we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
