My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
