apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
