I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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