You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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