What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
