So drunk its hurt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
