watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
