hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize