Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize