so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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