I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
