We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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