she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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