that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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