Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
