that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
