I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
