they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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