I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
