Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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