Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
