Plan B is the new Plan A
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
