i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
