About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He shit in the fireplace
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
