No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
