called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My butt remains clenched, sir.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
