Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
