I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
