I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
