I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
