So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
