Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
