So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
