I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im part way to drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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