I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
