I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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