Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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