Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
