There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
