Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
