I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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