I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
