Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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