I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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