I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
