Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
